13 August 2023 AM – Ephesians 6:4 – Col23 – Scott Childs
Introduction: Sixty or seventy years ago, the secular view of parenting and God’s view shared much common ground. That is no longer the case. God’s view is anchored fast, but the world’s view is like a raft speeding down a raging river, heading toward a destructive waterfall.
Transition: As we examine the two views of parenting, we will highlight the secular worldview first, and then examine what the Bible has to say. Keep in mind that this will be an overview, not a detailed how-to manual on parenting.
1. The Secular Worldview of Parenting
a. To whom do children belong?
1) Before birth, the world says a child belongs to its mother. If she doesn’t want the child, she has the right to abort it.
2) After birth, in many ways, the government claims control over children.
a) The government pushes vaccinations. They do not want this to be a parent’s choice.
b) The government pushes public education in which God is left out and evolution is taught as fact.
c) The government has financial support programs for children. Whether right or wrong, this does give the government leverage over your children.
d) The government frowns on corporal child discipline. In some cases, it is illegal.
b. What are typical secular views on parenting?
1) Parents ought to expect their children to be rebellious, as that is normal. Hopefully, in time, they will get over it!
2) It is normal for children to grow up in single-parent homes, or in homes without BOTH of their biological parents.
3) It is normal for dads, and many mums, not to mentor their children in practical daily tasks of life (fixing, changing a tyre, checking car oil, gardening, cooking, cleaning, making their beds, etc.) life is too busy for that.
4) Parents should not try to pass on their religious views to their children. Children ought to choose as they please.
5) Parents should not force their convictions on their children. They should let their children choose their own music, entertainment, friends, food, and clothing.
6) Parents should not force their moral beliefs on their children. Instead, parents ought to help their teens prevent pregnancy. Parents should expect their teens to be sexually active.
7) Parents ought to give their children, especially their teens, independence to do as they please, come and go as they please, watch what they please, etc.
8) It is seldom possible for parents to cultivate a close communication with their children so that their children feel comfortable sharing their hearts.
2. The Biblical Worldview of Parenting
a. To whom do children belong?
1) Children are a heritage of the Lord. (Psalms 127:3-5) “Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.” Every child is a gift from God to the parents.
2) At conception, God creates a human life in His image. (Psalms 139:16) “Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.“
3) (Ephesians 6:4) “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” God has placed parents in charge of the care, rearing and mentoring of their children. Twelve times in the book of Proverbs, God connects fathers and mothers in the parenting task (e.g., Pr 1:8). Biblical parenting takes teamwork in order to work at full potential. The last three words of Eph 6:4 are critical! God gives children, and God has a specific way that He wants them reared.
4) Parents must have a biblical approach. The next phrase in Ephesians 6:4 is “provoke not your children to wrath.” This is perhaps the most difficult aspect of parenting. What sort of things provoke children? Disharmony in your marriage, inconsistency, not now … I’m too busy, angry discipline, having a child-centred home, harshness, criticism without complements, permissiveness, unreasonable demands, hypocrisy, comparing with siblings, breaking promises, favouritism, mocking, etc. Children, your parents will make mistakes, but their failures do not give you justification for getting angry.
b. What are God’s views on parenting?
1) Ephesians 6:4 is a key passage. Note how it ends, “in the Lord”. To learn God’s ways to bring up your children, you must spend plenty of time searching and studying the Bible. God does not leave this important task up to the parent’s opinions or feelings.
2) Parents are to bring up their children (i.e., nourish them to maturity) (Eph 6:4). This is at least a 20-year task.
3) Parents are to nourish their children in the nurture … of the Lord (i.e., instruction and discipline that aims at increasing their virtue). A parent’s goal must not be to rear good kids, who excel academically, and are great athletes. The goal must be to rear children who please God. To do this, parents must nurture in God’s way!
a) Nurture them physically. Provide for them. Care for them. Guide them in staying healthy.
b) Nurture them spiritually. Turn to Deuteronomy 6:5-9. The Bible is clear. Parents have a spiritual duty. Turn to 2Timothy 3:15. Parents, not a Sunday school teacher, not the pastor, not a Christian school, must lead their children spiritually. From a very young age, teach them how to study the Bible and to pray. Hold them accountable.
c) Nurture them emotionally. Be there to comfort and give Biblical advice during emotional times. Be able to point them to helpful Bible verses.
d) Nurture them educationally. In Jeremiah 10:2, God said to Israel, “Learn not the way of the heathen.” I believe there is a principle in that for us.
e) Nurture them practically. Let them know that you love your spouse. Be a good role model for your children. Teach them practical skills (Jesus learned carpentry from his stepfather, Joseph). Teach them how to make wise and prudent choices. Prepare them for life. Do not let them be lazy.
f) Nurture them correctively. This is a main theme in the book of Proverbs. (Proverbs 22:15) “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” Other verses include, Proverbs 13:24, 19:18; 22:6; 23:13-14; 29:15. God requires children to obey their parents (Eph 6:1). Parents must enforce full, prompt obedience.
4) Parents are to nourish their children in the admonition … of the Lord (i.e., exhortation and warning). They must admonish in God’s way, teaching them to live biblically.
a) Warn them about moral dangers (e.g., fornication, lust, immoral people, how to identify a fool, etc. (2 Timothy 2:22) “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart.“
b) Exhort them to keep their hearts, minds, actions, and bodies pure. (Proverbs 4:23) “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” Hold them accountable by questioning them.
c) Warn and protect them from phone and media dangers. Many other warnings could be listed.
Conclusion: One’s childhood, the media and society in general have a strong influence on his or her worldview of parenting. To overcome an unbiblical worldview requires careful evaluation, Biblical study, prayer, and a strong determination to go against the current in order to please God. If you have not yet trusted Christ for salvation, that is where you must begin. I would be happy to show you how.
