Theme
Be not bitter, but rather, forgive and seek restoration.
Introduction
Whether at home, at work, or in the church there will arise times of conflict between yourself and others who you are called of God to work with, since God is the one who places us in the family, workplace, and church He desires us to serve Him in.
The question is:
“What do I do when interpersonal conflicts arise and does the Bible have anything to say about it?”
I want to look at the Bible’s instructions on handling these situations and what our response ought to be when they arise.
Sermon Outline
- Beware of Bitterness – Hebrews 12:14-15
- Be Ready for Restoration – Matthew 18:15-17
- Be Quick to Forgive – Matthew 18:21-35
Beware of Bitterness
(Hebrews 12:14-15)
The Source of Bitterness
Bitterness Often Comes from Unresolved Conflict
Even mature believers in Scripture experienced interpersonal tensions.
- Paul and Barnabas disagreed sharply (Acts 15:36-41)
- Euodia and Syntyche needed reconciliation (Philippians 4:2-3)
- The Corinthian church struggled with divisions and strife (1 Corinthians 1:11)
Conflict is not necessarily evidence of spiritual failure, but unresolved conflict often becomes a spiritual danger which can lead to long-term bitterness.
The problem is not necessarily that there is a point of conflict, as there will always be differences of opinion between diverse people. The problem arises when conflict is not dealt with in a spiritual and scriptural manner.
This can lead to:
- Bitterness (Hebrews 12:14-15)
- Lack of love (1 John 4:20)
- Schism in the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:25)
- Prayerlessness (Mark 11:25-26)
Heart Problems Often Cause Church Problems
Most church problems do not begin with something said from the pulpit but in the heart of the person sitting in the pew.
When the heart of the hearer is wrong, they will quickly find fault with the preacher, even if they have to intentionally misconstrue what he has said.
The Poison of Bitterness
Bitterness Is a Root
Bitterness is described as a root, which means it sits under the surface while feeding the outward expression.
Bitterness is not always evident since it sits below the surface and poisons the fruit on the outside.
This root troubles you, which means to taint like a poison, and then it spreads to others, infecting them also.
If there is poison in the root of a tree, you cannot expect good fruit from that tree. Neither can you expect the fruit of spiritual growth from a person who has been poisoned with bitterness.
Bitterness Defiles Others
Bitterness defiles both the individual and those who become infected with it.
Bitter people often become skilled at spreading their bitterness to others.
They go around spreading tales about the person they are bitter with in the hope of making others bitter also.
They may see this as revenge, but it is actually wickedness and the work of the devil.
Be Ready for Restoration
(Matthew 18:15-17)
The Application of Personal Restoration
Applying the Passage Correctly
The pattern for restoration laid out in this passage needs to be applied correctly to personal disputes between brethren.
Many people misapply this passage to situations involving doctrinal disagreements with the pastor.
That is not the intended application.
If your doctrine differs from the church’s statement of faith, your issue is not primarily personal but ecclesiological.
In such situations, instruction is needed, and if a person remains unteachable, the principles of Galatians 2:4-5 would apply.
Matthew 18:15-17 deals primarily with personal grievances and conflicts affecting the unity of the brethren.
Protecting the Church
While believers should demonstrate love and compassion, this passage should not be misused against pastors who are protecting the flock from false teachers.
The Pattern for Personal Restoration
The Goal Is Restoration, Not Victory
The stated goal is:
“Thou hast gained thy brother.”
The objective is reconciliation and restoration.
If your attitude is to prove your innocence and establish another person’s guilt, then you are pursuing the wrong outcome.
When restoration becomes the priority, your approach will naturally align with the spirit of restoration.
Before proceeding, make sure your heart motive is right.
Step One: Private Conversation
“Go and tell him his fault.”
You cannot seek restoration unless the offence is clearly communicated.
If you tell your brother that he has offended you but refuse to explain how, then you are not being genuine in your dealings.
The offence needs to be identified so that:
- The issue can be avoided in the future
- The Holy Spirit can bring conviction
- Restoration can occur
If both parties are spiritually minded, restoration is likely because both will seek to put the other before themselves.
Step Two: One or Two Witnesses
If private conversation does not achieve restoration, witnesses are brought in.
The quality of the witnesses is important.
Do not bring witnesses who have already been filled with your side of the story.
Bring people who are objective and capable of offering godly counsel.
The witnesses serve two purposes:
- To encourage Christ-honouring conduct and speech
- To verify efforts toward reconciliation
Step Three: Church Involvement
Church involvement is the final step for those who refuse restoration.
This provides a final opportunity for reconciliation before church discipline becomes necessary.
Refusal to be reconciled ultimately results in removal from fellowship.
The individual is then treated as:
“An heathen man and a publican.”
Benefits of the Biblical Process
This process ensures:
- Patience in our dealings with fellow Christians
- Fairness through objective counsellors and witnesses
- Carefulness in protecting the testimony of the brethren
- A genuine desire for reconciliation rather than point scoring
By the way, just because you are not on the membership does not mean you are not part of this local spiritual body of Christ and therefore affecting its spiritual growth.
Be Quick to Forgive
(Matthew 18:21-35)
Forgiveness Stems from Thankfulness
Forgiveness Should Reflect God’s Forgiveness
The forgiveness we extend to others is not supposed to be measured by numbers.
It should reflect the measure of forgiveness Christ has shown toward us.
The unjust servant failed to extend forgiveness to others.
He was forgiven a debt of 10,000 talents by his master, which amounted to approximately 60 million denarii.
By comparison, he was owed only 100 denarii, approximately 100 days’ wages.
The servant was rebuked because, having been forgiven an enormous debt, he refused to forgive a comparatively small one.
Remember How Much God Has Forgiven You
When we realise how much God has forgiven us, it becomes much harder to maintain an unforgiving spirit.
Our debt to God was far beyond anything we could ever repay.
Yet God chose to forgive us through Christ and restore us to fellowship with Himself.
Having received such mercy, should we not be quick to forgive others?
Colossians 3:13-14
“Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”
Unforgiveness Affects Fellowship with God
Refusing to Forgive Hinders Fellowship
When we refuse to forgive others, our own fellowship with God is affected.
Mark 11:25-26
“And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any…”
The Lord Jesus taught that the two greatest commandments are:
- Love the Lord thy God
- Love thy neighbour as thyself
This shows that God places great importance on how we treat others.
Poor relationships with people can hinder fellowship with God.
Relationships Affect Worship
Matthew 5:23-24
“Therefore if thou bring thy gift to the altar…”
Before bringing worship to God, we are instructed to seek reconciliation with our brother.
Only then should we return and offer our gift.
Healthy relationships with others contribute to healthy worship before God.
Conclusion
Unresolved interpersonal conflict can result in a number of spiritual problems:
- Bitterness
- Unacceptable worship
- Ineffectual prayer
- Division among believers
The Bible’s pattern for resolving personal grievances is clear and should not be neglected.
1 John 4:7-11
“Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God… Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.”
May we be people who reject bitterness, pursue restoration, and extend forgiveness as Christ has forgiven us.