Though Colossians 3 is written primarily to local church congregations, it contains a powerful message for families.

Every family has conflicts. If we learn to follow God’s Word, family conflicts do not need to become major events.

Transition

God’s plan for dealing with family conflicts involves five essential steps. Last week we looked at the first two and part of the third. This evening we will briefly review and continue on.

Remove Sinful Reactions (v.8-9) Put off bad attitudes & language

  1. Identify and admit sinful reactions (v.8-9)
  2. Commit to quit sinful reactions with God’s help

Rely upon the Lord (v.10-11) Yield and allow God to change you

  1. Remember God gave you a new nature
  2. Remember God renewed you.

Respond with Godliness (v.12-14)

  1. Responding with godliness is possible
  2. Put on the new man
    1. (v.12) Put on mercy:
    2. Put on kindness:
    3. Put on humility: Admit when you are wrong.
      (Proverbs 8:13) The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.

      1. Every conflict has two sides. No marriage cracks and no home crumbles by one person doing wrong. We must not proudly think we are innocent.
      2. Though it may hurt the ego, you must quash your pride. Pride feeds conflicts. God blesses humility.
        (James 4:10) Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.
    4. Put on meekness: Be gentle and mild. Stay controlled. “It is the opposite of fierceness.” Lange “This is the person who is God-controlled. Meekness is strength under control, all the desires and passions properly harnessed and channelled. … Unfortunately, we are often too aggressive or too passive. Probably because we are still preoccupied with our feelings, our goals, and ourselves.” Dunagan
      (Proverbs 15:1) A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
      ² A marriage is like a long trip in a tiny rowboat: if one passenger starts to rock the boat, the other has to steady it; otherwise they will go to the bottom together. David Reuben
    5. Put on longsuffering: This is the capacity to be wronged and not retaliate. Be slow to avenge wrong and punish those at fault. Give time for God to work. Conflicts do not start over night, and they often are not dissolved over night. Be patient. When wronged, pray much for a change of heart and attitude in the one who wronged you.
      (Romans 12:19) Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
      J. V. McGee likened it to “long-burning”—it burns a long time. We shouldn’t have a short fuse with our friends and Christian brethren. We shouldn’t make snap judgments.
      Longsuffering is patience in face of injustice and unpleasant circumstances without complaint or irritation. The short-tempered person speaks and acts impulsively and lacks self-control. When a person is longsuffering, he can put up with provoking people or circumstances without retaliating. Precept Austin
    6. (v.13) Put on forbearance toward one another: This means to uphold each other; to bear with each other; to endure each other’s weak points. It is a reciprocal command (do it to each other). Do not push each other down. Endure wrongs toward you remembering that you have many weak points as well. Listen to one another. Work out the problem together.
    7. Put on forgiveness toward one another: This word actually means to show favour or kindness to another, to do something pleasant or agreeable, or to grant forgiveness. It is kindly forgiving the other person even if you have a genuine quarrel (complaint, blame) against them. God is not denying that others may do you wrong. Instead, he is saying “Forgive their wrongs.”
      1. We must forgive as Christ forgave us. This is not an option. If you have been saved, Christ has forgiven the entire debt of your sin. How did he forgive you?
        1. He mercifully forgave.
          (Romans 5:8) But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
        2. He readily forgave.
          (Psalms 86:5) “For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.”
        3. He completely forgave.
          (1 John 1:9) “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
        4. He permanently forgave.
          (Psalms 103:12) “As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.”
      2. Refusing to forgive is a sin and it will come back to hurt you.
        (Mark 11:25-26) And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.
    8. (v.14) Put on love: This verse begins with the words, “And above all these things”. The word “above” is epi which means “upon”. Love is like an overcoat that we are to put on over the top of all these other new man qualities. It bonds them all together.
      Love is giving of yourself to meet the needs of another, expecting nothing in return. This love cares more about the other person than about self. Genuine love is like healing salve on a painful sore; it is like a gentle massage of aching muscles; it is like good news from a far country. Love looks beyond the stormy clouds to the clear skies above.
      (1 John 4:11) Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.
      (Mark 12:31) Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. …
      (Romans 13:10) Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.
      Love is “the bond of perfectness”. It is the power which unites and holds together all those graces and virtues which together make up perfection. Lightfoot quoted by Wuest

      1. Love will motivate us to be merciful and kind.
      2. Love will encourage us to be humble and meek.
      3. Love will help us to be longsuffering.
      4. Love will enable us to be forbearing and forgiving as Christ.
      5. Love is the “glue” that prevents us from letting go of these qualities when the negative actions and attitudes of the other side tempt us to quit.

Conclusion

(Review) If your marriage or home is experiencing conflict, you need to put on these qualities of the new man. You cannot do it in your own strength. You must allow God to do it in you. These qualities go against our human nature. We need to earnestly ask God to develop them in our lives and then humbly and submissively cooperate with God as he seeks to develop them.

Song: 386 Have Thine Own Way
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Family Conflicts2
5 April 2015 pm – Colossians 3:8-21 – Scott Childs