So far we have learned four things about conflicts.

  1. Remove Sinful Reactions (v.8-9)
  2. Rely upon the Lord (v.10-11)
  3. Respond with Godliness (v.12-14)
  4. Let the Lord Guide (v.15-16)

Transition: Conflicts often begin when someone irritates us. They do something that displeases us and we react in a wrong way. In this section, God shows us that we must react obediently.

React Obediently (v.17-21)

  1. In everything honour the Lord (v.17).
    1. All that we do is to be in the name of the Lord Jesus. Here are some ways this may be applied:
      1. In dependence on the Lord Jesus (Mof)
      2. As a representative of the Lord Jesus (Tay)
      3. In the spirit of the Lord Jesus (Robertson p. 506)
      4. In all their desires they are to respect him; looking for his authority and sanction; following his example; desiring strength from him; living by faith upon him; for his sake; to his honour and glory. (Poole, edited)
    2. This command is very inclusive. It literally says “and everything whatsoever you may do.” God does not want us to live for ourselves in anything. Every area of our lives, whether big or small, private or public, we must honour the Lord.
    3. So we do not miss the point, the Lord says:
      1. It applies to anything we may do in word – all that we listen to, say, or read.
      2. It applies to anything we may do in deed. Every work, activity, sport, hobby, shopping, or ministry is included.
    4. We must also honour the Lord by being thankful. Thankfulness is an attitude and expression that emits from a grateful heart. Doing everything in the name of the Lord Jesus is one way that we can show thankful appreciation to the Father through Jesus.
      In a sense thankfulness is like the perfume that comes from a fragrant rose. It emits from its very being.
  2. Wives submit to your husband’s leadership (v.18).
    1. The command for wives to submit is in the middle voice. This means she is to submit herself. True submission comes not from fear or duty but from the heart.
    2. Submission is to arrange one’s self under another; to yield to the leadership of another. Submission has nothing to do with who is stronger, smarter, or more spiritual. It has to do with letting another person lead.
    3. God did NOT say, ladies submit to men. Instead, He said, wives submit yourself to your own husbands.
    4. God qualifies this submission saying “as it is fit in the Lord.” This seems to mean, “as is fitting for one who knows the Lord.”
      Wives, there is no question that it is difficult to submit to a husband who does not obey God’s word. Whether he is unsaved or carnal, a husband that is not walking close to God can be difficult to follow. God speaks of this in 1Peter 3:1-2. (Likewise, ye wives…)
  3. Husbands love your wives with no bitterness (v.19)
    1. God commands husbands to love their wives. This love is agape – the giving love. Remember, love is giving of yourself to meet the needs of another expecting nothing in return. This love is unselfish.
    2. God qualifies this command with the phrase “and be not bitter against them.” The word translated “bitter” has a variety of meanings from sharp, painful, bitter taste, unpleasant, severe, cruel, stern and to provoke.
      1. Bitterness is often an unpleasant internal feeling and attitude. Bitterness often develops in a husband when his wife does not live up to his expectations. Whether she is sick, lazy, or just unthoughtful, he must love her selflessly and not become bitter. That can be a real challenge at times.
      2. Bitterness reveals itself in sharp words, unkind comments, cruel treatment, and silence.
      3. Bitterness is sin. Men, if you are struggling with bitterness in your hearts toward your wife, you must confess it as sin to God. Give the burden that causes your bitterness to the Lord. Ask God to make you more patient and to make your wife the completer God wants her to be. Then beg the Lord to help you love your wife unselfishly.
        Wives, you can help prevent bitterness from growing in your husband’s heart by submitting from your heart to his leadership and by seeking to be the fulfilling godly wife that God wants you to be.
  4. Children always obey your parents (v.20).
    1. The word “obey” means to listen to, to attend to. In Acts 12:13, it denotes Rhoda’s answering a knock at the door. In Php 2:12, it describes the Christians’ submissive yielding. In Heb 11:8, it pictures Abraham’s obedient action.
    2. God commands you children to listen obediently to your parents. It applies to every request of your parents – in all things.
    3. Obeying your parents is well pleasing to the Lord. Here is a way that you can please the Lord as a child. Obeying your parents pleases God a lot.
      Parents, you are keeping your children from pleasing the Lord when you do not require them to obey the first time and every time you speak. Note Solomon’s wise words to parent.
      (Proverbs 13:24) He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.
      (Proverbs 19:18) Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
  5. Fathers train your children biblically (v.21).
    1. Of all the instructions God could give to fathers, He says, “provoke not your children”.
      1. It is said that this is the only negative child rearing command in the Bible.
      2. The word translated “provoke” also means to stir up. The words “to anger” were added by the translators probably because of the parallel verse in Ephesians.
        (Ephesians 6:4) And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
      3. Fathers can provoke their children by: disciplining in anger, being too busy for them, criticising them unjustly, setting too high of expectations, comparing them with others, speaking harshly to them, unkind teasing, laughing at them, embarrassing them, and calling them names.
    2. God tells us that when a father provokes his child, the child often becomes discouraged.
      1. The word translated “discouraged” means spiritless, disheartened, broken in spirit, to lose heart,.
      2. When a child has been provoked by his father he often becomes broken in spirit. Many times this makes him angry inside.
    3. Fathers, if you have provoked your child and he or she has a broken spirit, the solution is to admit your failure. Humbly go to the child with and confess your sin to him. Ask him to forgive you. Confess the sin to God and ask Him to change the way you deal with your child. Rebuilding is a slow process but it is possible if you will truly stop provoking and begin acting in love.
      Children, if your father has provoked you and you have a broken spirit, you need to ask God to bless your father and show him how to be a godly father. But you also must ask God to heal your broken spirit. If you have anger or hate in your heart, that is sin. When others treat you wrongly, God still expects you to do right.

Conclusion

Every family has conflicts from time to time. As Christians, it is our duty to know God’s way to deal with conflicts and then do it. God told us here in Colossians 3 that when facing family conflicts we must 1) Remove sinful reactions, 2) Rely on the Lord, 3) Respond with godliness, 4) Let the Lord guide, and 5) React obediently.

Song: Teach Me Thy Way, O Lord – 337
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Family Conflicts4
19 April 2015 pm – Colossians 3:8-21 – Scott Childs