A Fulfilling Love Relationship

9 June 2013 AM – Ephesians 5:1-4 – Scott Childs

Introduction: Every married couple on their wedding day hopes for a fulfilling relationship. They want their marriage to be happy, enjoyable, loving, sweet, and peaceful. Unfortunately, for many, their hopes are shattered within a few weeks or months. They discover that their spouse is not the perfect person they thought. Romance fades, sweetness sours, and peace turns to conflict. Sadly, most couples do not know what to do at this point.

Transition: I recently listened to a marriage sermon that I found very helpful.* Using some of the ideas from that sermon, I prepared a message entitled “A Fulfilling Love Relationship”. This morning we are going to look at two opposite models of love relationships – The World’s model & God’s model. While the world’s model is popular, God’s model is the only one that produces a fulfilling love relationship.

We are going to spend most of our time in the book of Ephesians, but first let’s open your Bibles to the book of Judges.

I.              The World’s Model of Love Relationships (Judges 14-16)

Not all unbelievers follow the world’s model, but most do. Even many Christians have accepted the world’s model to some degree. What is the world’s model? It has four parts.

A.     Find the right person (14:1-2)

1.      Read Judges 14:1-2

2.      The world says that love relationships begin by finding the right person. Fill out Internet personality profiles to discover who is best for you, and check out possibilities. Go to parties and social events to look for the right person. Seek your soul mate.

3.      You must market yourself. Do your best to look good, smell good, dress sensually, and be a flirt.

4.      Samson followed the world’s model. He went looking and found a woman. She was not a believer in God, but he ignored that important matter.

B.     Fall in love with that person (14:3)

1.      Read Judges 14:3 “. . . she pleaseth me well.”

2.      The world defines love as a feeling. Love is excitement. Love is emotion. Love is passion. “He makes me feel so good.” “She turns me on.” In the world’s model, I must focus on MY needs.

3.      The movie industry says that love is a feeling that just happens. You never know when you will find it and you cannot predict when it will leave, so grab it while you can and enjoy it to the fullest. Indulge!

C.     Give yourself sexually to that person (16:1)

1.      Read Judges 16:1

2.      Once you find the right person, give yourself to that person emotionally and sexually. Marriage is unimportant. Fulfil your desires.

3.      Don’t worry about what the Bible says; everyone is doing it. Give yourself fully to the person you found. They make you feel good, and that is important.

Most [Australian] people aged 35-64 years have been in at least one live-in relationship (95%). http://www.mydivorce.com.au/divorceadvice/divorce-statistics-australia.htm

D.     When failure occurs, repeat the process (16:4)

1.      Failure always occurs in the world’s model.

2.      If you “fell in love” and one day you will “fall out of love”. When romance wears off and your characters clash, you say, “I just don’t love you anymore. I made a mistake. You must be the wrong person. I need to leave you and find the right person.”

3.      Then repeat the same process all over again. But wait, you are married! “That doesn’t matter; I cannot live with the wrong person. I must find the right person.” But you have children! “They will manage. I will not be happy until I find the right person.”

Review the world’s model

II.            God’s Model of Love Relationships (Ephesians 5)

A.     Become the right person for your spouse (1)

1.      Read Ephesians 5:1

2.      Instead of finding the right person, God wants you to become the right person. You say, How then does a person find God’s choice of a spouse? That’s another sermon, but briefly, it is by spiritual preparation, parental guidance, and prayer.

3.      To become the right person, God commands us to follow or imitate Him as His dear children. The word “therefore” points us back to what we are to imitate in Ephesians 4:32 – we are to be kind, tenderhearted and forgiving just like God is toward us.

4.      A good relationship is not passive but active. It is not about my spouse meeting my needs, but about me becoming the person I ought to be – kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving toward my spouse.

5.      If you are trying to change your spouse, you are following the world’s self-focussed model. God says, focus on becoming the right person yourself.

1 Peter 3:1 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

B.     Walk in love toward your spouse (2)

1.      Read Ephesians 5:2

2.      Instead of falling in love, God says we must walk in love. God emphasises what you do not what you feel.

3.      God says that love is not a noun but a verb. Love is not a feeling, an emotion, or a passion. Love is giving of yourself to meet the needs of your spouse demanding nothing in return. That is true love!

4.      You may ask, “Is love ever romantic?” Yes, true giving love includes romance, but that is not the driving force behind it. True love does not focus on self but on meeting needs of the one loved.

5.      Note the example of Christ’s love in this verse.

a)      Christ gave Himself for us – Love is giving of myself to fulfil my spouse.

b)      Christ sacrificed for sinners – Love is sacrificing for my spouse, putting her needs before my desires.

c)      Christ loved the unlovely to please God – Love is meeting my spouse’s needs to please God.

6.      Walking in love is fulfilling the roles God has created for husbands and wives (Ephesians 5:22-33).

C.     Keep pure and faithful to your spouse (3)

1.      Read Ephesians 5:3 Here God condemns fornication (all sex outside of marriage). He condemns all uncleanness and covetousness (pornography and all self-gratification). Covetousness is lusting after something that does not belong to you.

2.      The world’s model is, “Sleep around and satisfy your sexual desires.” God’s model is, “Save all intimacy for marriage, then keep yourself pure and faithful to your spouse for life.”

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

3.      God created sexual intimacy for marriage. God commands husbands and wives not to withhold their bodies from each other (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).

4.      Note again the last phrase of verse 3. “let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints.” Even if your spouse fails to meet your needs, you have no right to follow the world’s model. You must keep pure.

D.     When struggles occur, revive your commitment.

1.      Struggles will occur. No marriage is perfect. Your spouse is a sinner just like you.

2.      When struggles increase, divorce is never the solution. That is the world’s model. Seeking fulfilment in anyone or anything outside of marriage is not the solution. That is the world’s model.

3.      God’s solution for a struggling marriage is, “Revive your commitment to become the right person, to walk in love, and to keep yourself pure and faithful.” If you are truly fulfilling your God-given role in marriage and are living in close harmony with Christ, God will work on your spouse.

Conclusion: You will only find a fulfilling love relationship if you follow God’s model. If you are not yet married, wait and follow God’s model. If you are in a second marriage, begin following God’s model. If you are trying to follow God’s model, Amen! Stay focussed! The devil is against your marriage. Don’t let him win.

Song: Teach Me Thy Way, O Lord – 337

*Dream Home 1 – Hollywood vs God, by Pastor Cary Schmidt