Communication is a vital part of our everyday lives. We communicate daily with our family members. We often communicate with our friends and our associates. We communicate with those who work for us and work with us. We communicate when we shop, play sports and meet people in public. We communicate via email and texting. We communicate when we share the Gospel with others.

Communication is a wonderful creation by God. But sometimes communication turns sour and leads to contention (arguments) and strife (conflict, lack of harmony).

Transition

This evening I want us to examine what God tells us in the book of Proverbs about contention and strife so that we can get victory over these trouble makers.

God’s Opinion of Contention & Strife

  1. Hates it
    1. (Proverbs 6:16-19) “These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, An heart that deviseth
      wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.”

Facts about Contention & Strife

  1. They will ruin a good meal
    1. (Proverbs 17:1) “Better is a dry morsel, and quietness therewith, than an house full of sacrifices with strife.”
    2. Those who offered sacrifices were often allowed to eat the animal that was offered. It is better to have a dry slice of bread than a feast where strife is present.
  2. They cause pain that is hard to fix
    1. (Proverbs 18:19) “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.”
    2. Pain caused by strife is not easily resolved.
  3. They will harm your marriage
    1. (Proverbs 21:9) “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.”
    2. (Proverbs 21:19) “It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.”
    3. (Proverbs 25:24) “It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.”
    4. (Proverbs 27:15-16) “A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself.”
    5. Being a contentious man is just as harmful to marriage.

Causes of Contention & Strife

  1. Pride
    1. (Proverbs 13:10) “Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom.”
    2. (Proverbs 28:25) “He that is of a proud heart stirreth up strife: but he that putteth his trust in the LORD shall be made fat.”
    3. Why does pride cause contention? Being too proud to admit wrong puts the blame on others and increases friction. Ironside: “The strife soon ceases when the offended one meets his offender in lowliness and grace.”
  2. Grievous words
    1. (Proverbs 15:1) “A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”
    2. Harsh, hurtful words escalate strife.
  3. Wrath/Anger
    1. (Proverbs 15:18) “A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.”
    2. (Proverbs 29:22) “An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgression.”
    3. Anger is a wicked sin that we must not excuse. Ask God to help you overcome the inner spirit of anger.
  4. Being disagreeable
    1. (Proverbs 16:28) “A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.”
    2. To be froward is to be upside-down, to say the opposite, to oppose. Being disagreeable, complaining, never being satisfied often leads to strife.
  5. Gossip
    1. (Proverbs 17:9) “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.”
    2. Gossip puts painful wedges between friends.
  6. Foolish words
    1. (Proverbs 18:6) “A fool’s lips enter into contention, and his mouth calleth for strokes.”
    2. God says that when we say things that fuel strife we are acting like a fool.

Overcoming Contention & Strife

  1. Choose not to strive
    1. (Proverbs 3:30) “Strive not with a man without cause, if he have done thee no harm.”
    2. Pray … (Psalms 19:14) “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.”
  2. Deal with it quickly
    1. (Proverbs 17:14) “The beginning of strife is as when one letteth out water: therefore leave off contention, before it be meddled with.”
    2. Repairing a small leak in a dam is easy but if ignored the overflow will quickly escalate and cause much damage.
  3. When possible, stay away from the scorner
    1. (Proverbs 22:10) “Cast out the scorner, and contention shall go out; yea, strife and reproach shall cease.”
    2. A scorner is one who promotes himself and puts others down.
  4. Stay calm and be slow to get riled
    1. (Proverbs 25:8) “Go not forth hastily to strive, lest thou know not what to do in the end thereof, when thy neighbour hath put thee to shame.”
  5. Don’t meddle in other people’s strife
    1. Intruding into another person’s strife is liable to cause you hurt.
    2. (Proverbs 26:17) “He that passeth by, and meddleth with strife belonging not to him, is like one that taketh a dog by the ears.”
  6. Don’t add fuel to the fire
    1. When you add jabbing comments when a person is upset, you are adding wood to the fire and making the problem worse.
    2. (Proverbs 26:20-21) “Where no wood is, there the fire goeth out: so where there is no talebearer, the strife ceaseth. As coals are to burning coals, and wood to fire; so is a contentious man to kindle strife.”
  7. Stop stirring up anger
    1. (Proverbs 30:32-33) “If thou hast done foolishly in lifting up thyself, or if thou hast thought evil, lay thine hand upon thy mouth. Surely the churning of milk bringeth forth butter, and the wringing of the nose bringeth forth blood: so the forcing of wrath bringeth forth strife.”
    2. Churning, wringing and forcing come from the same Hebrew word. Churning and squeezing wrath will result in strife.

Conclusion

Review the causes of strife: Pride, grievous words, anger, being disagreeable, gossip and foolish words. We can overcome strife when we: choose not to strive, deal with strife quickly, when possible stay away from a scorner, stay calm, don’t meddle, don’t add fuel to the fire, stop stirring up anger.

If you are often involved in contention and strife, God hates it. You must make it a priority to follow God’s steps to overcome your habit of strife. Don’t make excuses. Stop blaming others. Look into God’s mirror (the Bible) and deal with your problem on your knees before God.

Song: Cleanse Me – 166
Song: I encourage you to write “Strife” (Pr 6:16-19) on the title page of Proverbs in your Bible. Then next to Pr 6:19 write Pr 17:1, next to it write Pr 18:19, etc. until you complete the list.
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Communication: Contention & Strife
25 June 2017 PM – Proverbs 6:16-19 – Comm17 – Scott Childs