Cultivate Your Child’s Heart
15 September 2013 PM – 2 Kings 21:1-2 – Home Builders – Scott Childs
Introduction: (Read text) During the last 15 years of his life, Hezekiah became a very selfish, self-centred man (2Ki 20:18-19). He was addicted to his wealth, and neglected to rear his son for the Lord (2Ch 32:27-29). Because Hezekiah and Hephzibah failed to cultivate the heart of their son Manasseh and lead him to the Lord, he became a terrible rebel against God.
The word “cultivate” means, “to prepare for planting” or “to nurture”. To cultivate is to scratch or dig up the surface of the soil around plants so water can penetrate and to eliminate weeds.
Sadly, many parents as Hezekiah and Hephzibah fail to cultivate their children’s hearts and do not realize it until it is too late. Turn to Deuteronomy 6:5-7 (read). In these verses God tells parents how to cultivate the hearts of their children.
Transition: This evening we are going to examine three actions God wants you to take to cultivate your children’s hearts.
I. Understand Your Heart-cultivating Duty
Deuteronomy 6:5-7 is a timeless principle or command for us today. It is your duty to cultivate your child’s heart. God said in Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
A. First, you must cultivate your own heart
1. You must love the Lord with all your heart (De 6:5).
2. God’s Word must be in your heart (De 6:6). Study it carefully. Know it well. Live its principles.
You cannot pass on something you do not have yourself. Water will never rise above its source.
B. Cultivating your child’s heart is a challenge
1. Your child was born with a sinful heart that needs much cultivation before it will willingly obey God.
Jeremiah 17:9 The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?
2. Your child’s behaviour comes from his heart.
Proverbs 4:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life. (cf. Matthew 15:19)
3. Make a godly heart your goal, not good behaviour.
a) Jesus said that behaviour modification is not the whole solution to sin.
Matthew 5:27-28 Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
b) “Behaviour modification” is getting a child to change the way he behaves. However, if you tell a child to sit down, he may sit on the outside but be rebelliously standing up in his heart.
c) Your cultivation must reach beyond behaviour change to the motivations of his heart.
Test your present method. When a conflict comes up, do you just demand good behaviour or do you ask yourself what heart issue is behind the bad behaviour and then biblically address that issue?
II. Create a Godly Heart-cultivating Atmosphere at Home
A. Model a right atmosphere.
1. Be the right example. Review last week’s sermon.
2. Play plenty of godly music. This is very important. (Colossians 3:16)
a) Godly music teaches biblically sound doctrine.
b) Godly music edifies the soul not the flesh.
c) Godly music calms the spirit.
Abidingradio.com is a great source of godly music.
3. Daily eat and talk together at the table as a family.
4. Get actively involved in our local church. Titus 2 says we are to cultivate each other’s hearts.
B. Monitor the atmosphere.
1. Carefully monitor all media. Remember, God holds you accountable for your children’s training (Pr 22:6).
a) To “monitor” means, “to check carefully” or “to keep an eye on”. To monitor, you will need to read, watch, listen, evaluate, and prove all media before you allow your child to partake.
1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. Abstain from all appearance of evil.
b) Monitor all books, games, music, DVDs, videos, TV, and Internet. This is true even for teens.
2. If the atmosphere of your home is ungodly, you will most likely fail to cultivate a godly heart in your child.
III. Use Every Context as a Heart-cultivating Opportunity
Deuteronomy 6:7 And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
A. Constantly look for cultivating opportunities
1. Opportunities abound if we will look for them.
a) Family Bible time (sitting). Read and pray.
b) Around the meal table (sitting)
c) During walks and activities (walking)
d) One-on-one times just before bed (lying down)
e) When you call them to get out of bed (rising)
Tripp: Our goal is to be used of God to expose and nurture the hearts of our children so that they want to behave in ways that please the Lord.[i]
2. Talk about sin and the way to trust Christ. When God convicts them of their need, pray with them.
3. Build a strong relationship with your child. Make it easy for them to talk to you. Always include God and His will in your conversations. Reveal your heart for God to your children as Paul did to Timothy.
2 Timothy 3:10 But thou hast fully known my doctrine, manner of life, purpose, faith, longsuffering, charity, patience,
4. Teach about God and His character. Talk about how God is working in their life situations. Teach them Bible principles to live by. Memorize Bible verses together. Daily pray together about their needs.
Tripp: We need to call our teenagers away from their own glory to a concrete understanding of what it means to live for God’s glory.[ii]
B. Turn conflicts into cultivating opportunities.
1. When a conflict arises, pause and pray, stay calm, be kind, be loving, don’t blame, ask questions, seek to understand the child’s opinion, be fair, and seek to cultivate their heart.
Tripp: We must teach them always to ask, “Who is God?” “What is he doing?” “What has he promised?” “What does he command?” “How will these facts shape the way I think about and respond to the daily situations of life?”[iii]
2. Do not react but let the Spirit of God work through you. Ask Him to control your words and responses.
3. Do not resort to a quick-fix change-your-behaviour solution. Locate the problem’s root in their heart. Help them see their heart condition that caused the conflict. Then show them God’s solution to fix their heart problem.
You will need to memorise Bible solutions for lying, selfishness, stealing, anger, meanness, bad attitude, stubbornness, rebellion, disrespect, disobedience, bad talk, etc., or have a list that you can quickly turn to for help.
a) If they change their behaviour only because you demanded it, you failed to cultivate their heart.
b) If they change their behaviour because they see their sin offended God; they confessed their sin; and now they want to do right to please God; you have cultivated their heart.
Tripp: You model [redemption] when you do more than tell your fighting children to go to their rooms and leave one another alone. You model this as you require them to face one another, to deal with the differences, to confess sin, to ask for forgiveness, and to restore relationship.[iv]
Conclusion: Cultivating your child’s heart so he sees life from God’s perspective and responds in ways that honour the Lord, is an ongoing process that takes years of faithful work and much prayer. It is not a job you can take lightly.
If you have not been cultivating your children’s hearts as you should, now is the time to begin. It is never too early to begin, but if you wait, one day it will be too late. Why not ask God right now to help you begin the heart-cultivating task.
Song: I Need Thee Every Hour – 318
[i] Tripp, Paul David, Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, p. 48
[ii] Ibid. p. 58
[iii] Ibid. p. 60
[iv] Ibid. p. 68