Earning Influence

29 September 2013 PM – 1 Samuel 2:22-25 – Home Builders – Scott Childs

Introduction: Read text. The adult sons of Eli and his wife were evil. Eli tried to encourage them to do right, but he had never earned influence in their lives and they would not listen. This sad scenario is present in countless Christian homes today. Parents fail to earn influence in their children’s lives and as soon as the children get out from under their authority, they live ungodly lives.

We see an example of how Paul earned influence in 1 Thessalonians 2:1-13. Though persecuted, he kept preaching because he cared about the Thessalonians (v.2). He did not use deceit, uncleanness, or trickery in his talks. He was real (v.3). He taught God’s word rather than saying things to please them (v.4). He did not use flattery to try to get anything from them (v.5). He sought no praise nor pay for his ministry (v.6). He was as gentle as a nursing mother toward them (v.7). Caring dearly for them, he gave of his time, energy, and life (v.8). He worked and grew tired night and day to help (v.9). He lived a holy, just, and blameless example before them (v.10). He mentored them as a loving father (v.11). By all of these actions, Paul was building trust that earned influence with the Thessalonians.

As parents, God gave us authority over our children while they live under our roof. Our authority is for their protection and welfare. At the same time, we must earn influence in our children’s lives. Our influence is for their direction.

We can command them not to play in the road, to eat their peas, to go to bed at 9:00, to do their homework, to be quiet, and to stay away from snakes. On the other hand, we cannot command them to love God, to get saved, to be godly, to repent of sin, or to respectfully honour us. However, if we build trust with our children, we can earn influence to direct in these ways. They will want to follow our steps. They will value our counsel. They will adopt our standards. They will appreciate our warnings. They will trust our judgments even if they do not understand. They will want to please us.

As our children mature, our authority will naturally decrease but continually we ought to be earning more and more influence that will last for a lifetime.

Transition: This evening we are going to learn how caring interaction will build trust, and how trust earns influence, and how influence supports authority.

I.              Caring Interaction Builds Trust

Caring interaction has three essential ingredients that work together to build trust.

A.     Care

Our children must know that we care about them. If we push them aside, ignore them, tell them to leave us alone, or to quit bothering us, we are saying, “I care more about myself than I do about you.” Here are several ways you can show your children that you care.

1.      Love them with agape love. Give of yourself to meet their needs expecting nothing in return. Be genuine.

2.      Accept them as they are. Treat them with compassion. Cherish them like a nursing mother. Value them even if their personality is not like yours.

3.      Give them attention. Focus on them individually. Look at them. Admire their colouring. Go to their ball games. Take them camping. Tuck them into bed.

4.      Treat them gently. Harshness hardens hearts. Children make mistakes. They spill things. They are immature. Be gentle with them. Forgive them.

5.      Empathise with them. Try to understand their burdens and enter into their feelings. Cry with them. Pray with them. Hug them. Never laugh at them.

6.      Admit your weakness to them. Seek their forgiveness when you hurt them or fail them in any way.

7.      Be their friend. Solomon wrote in Proverbs 18:24, A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly.

When you truly care for your children, you are building trust with them. As you care, you build a close relationship with them.

B.     Interaction

Interaction is doing things with your children.

1.      Talk with your children every day. Do not just talk at them. Talk with them. Discuss things. Bring up topics of interest or need. Talk about God and the Bible.

2.      Listen to your children. When they are young, their stories and burdens will often be silly, but if you do not listen to them then, they will not talk to you when they are teens.

3.      Play with them. You may not feel like playing, but they need this interaction. Take them camping. Play ball with them. Set aside one evening each week for family games. Joke with them. Wrestle with them.

4.      Help them with projects and homework. Help them with things they want to make. Give them ideas.

5.      Work with them. Do yard work or housework with them. Teach them how to do a good job. Explain how to do things. Help them develop skills. Teach the girls to cook.

Interacting with your children is building trust with them. They desperately long for your interaction. Do not let them down!

C.     Time

Time is what links care and interaction together.

1.      Sacrifice your time to spend with your children. You always have lots you want to do, but your children need time with you.

2.      Spend time individually with each of your children. Make the one-on-one times special for them. Never buy your children things to make up for your failure to spend time with them. They do not need your trinkets. They need your time.

3.      Spend time frequently with your children. Spend time with them daily. Set aside time for them each week.

4.      Make time with your children a priority. Let them know that you always have time to talk if they have a need. Be willing to stay up late if they need to talk to you. Be willing to take a day off work or even change jobs to spend needed time with your children.

The more you care, interact, and spend time with your children, the more trust you build with them. Time is short, do not waste it!

II.            Trust Earns Influence

A.     Influence is the earned privilege to give direction.

1.      The more a person trusts you, the more he will allow you to influence his life. This is true when we witness. It is also true of our children.

2.      Influence allows you to pass on your faith to your children. It allows you cultivate their hearts. It allows you to plant character in their lives.

3.      Beware! Satan is constantly trying to undermine your trust, destroy your influence, and replace it with bad influences like bad friends and media.

B.     Influence cannot exist without trust

1.      If you have not build trust with your children, you lack influence in their lives and the day is coming that they will not obey your authority.

2.      If your teen rebels, ask yourself, “Where did I lose his trust?”, “How can I rebuild our relationship and regain his trust?”

III.           Influence Supports Authority

A.     Influence does not compete with authority, it complements it.

1.      Authority without influence causes rebellion. Authority with influence encourages submission.

2.      If you have earned influence in your children’s lives, they will respect your authority. They will trust your decisions. They will value your wisdom.

B.     Influence is more important than authority

1.      You need authority, but as Pastor Cary Schmidt put it, “Influence trumps authority!” Influence is more powerful and more life-changing than authority.

2.      Your influence will last much longer than your authority. My boys are all adults. I have no authority over them, but I still have some influence in their lives.

Conclusion: How much influence have you earned with your children? Are you diligently working to build their trust by caring, interacting, and spending time with them? Each day that passes without building trust with your children will lessen your influence. Do not delay. Determine to build a close, trusting relationship with each of your children. Earn influence with them. Make any sacrifice necessary. Time is limited. Let’s not be like Eli!

Song: Teach Me Thy Way, O Lord – 337

I gleaned many ideas for this message from Pastor Cary Schmidt for which I thank him.