Colossians 3 is addressed to the local church at Colosse and to local churches in general. It was to help them and us prevent and resolve conflicts. Though the message is not limited to the family, it certainly has a powerful application for the family. For this reason, we are going to study it with the family in view.
Family conflicts do not begin overnight. They are like an erupting volcano. Hidden pressure built up for a long time before the explosion.
Transition
In our text, God offers us a plan for the prevention and cure of conflicts which every family ought to implement. His plan for addressing family conflicts involves five essential steps. We will not get through all of them this evening.
Remove Sinful Reactions (v.8-9)
Sinful reactions fuel family conflicts.
- Identify and admit sinful reactions (v.8-9)
- First, sinful reactions include bad attitudes.
- Anger (impulsive temper) This is speaking of ungodly anger. Ungodly anger is always sin. Often anger is a heated feeling or outburst because something did not go my way, someone displeased me, or someone harmed my possession. Anger often produces uncontrolled words or actions that hurt others or dishonour God. In Ephesians 4:26 we learned that ungodly anger is selfish, uncontrolled, and destructive. Anger is ungodly when:
- It results from someone displeasing me
- It is explosive or uncontrolled
- It seeks to harm others
- Wrath (violent outburst), This is a hot passionate anger. This is a step worse than anger.
- Malice (vicious character), This refers to the vicious nature which is bent on doing harm to others. Lightfoot
(1 Peter 2:1) Wherefore laying aside all malice, and all guile, and hypocrisies, and envies, and all evil speakings,
All three of these bad attitudes fuel the fires of family conflicts.
(Proverbs 15:18) A wrathful man stirreth up strife: but he that is slow to anger appeaseth strife.
- Anger (impulsive temper) This is speaking of ungodly anger. Ungodly anger is always sin. Often anger is a heated feeling or outburst because something did not go my way, someone displeased me, or someone harmed my possession. Anger often produces uncontrolled words or actions that hurt others or dishonour God. In Ephesians 4:26 we learned that ungodly anger is selfish, uncontrolled, and destructive. Anger is ungodly when:
- Second, sinful reactions include bad language.
- Blasphemy (slander or speech that injures another’s good name) this includes name-calling.
(Proverbs 10:18) He that hideth hatred with lying lips, and he that uttereth a slander, is a fool. - Filthy communication (dirty talk, or abusive language) This is the next step beyond blasphemy. God hates it.
- Lying (saying things that are not true)
- Exaggeration is a form of lying (“It’s all your fault.” “You always blame me for your troubles.” “You never treat me right.”)
- Denying reality is really lying.
(James 3:14) But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. - Hiding the truth is another form of lying.
Note closely God’s list of sinful reactions. If you are guilty of any of these, admit it to yourself, to your family, and to God. Make no excuses. Call these sinful reactions sin.
- Blasphemy (slander or speech that injures another’s good name) this includes name-calling.
- First, sinful reactions include bad attitudes.
- Commit to quit sinful reactions with God’s help
- Confess your sin to God and determine to quit.
(Proverbs 28:13) He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy. - Every time you are tempted to have a bad reaction, pause and pray. Do not give in.
(Psalms 19:14) Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.
If you react to issues in any of these sinful ways, you are fuelling family conflicts. To prevent or resolve family conflicts, you must remove all sinful reactions.
- Confess your sin to God and determine to quit.
Rely upon the Lord (v.10-11)
Many professing Christians continually fail to live in victory. Sometimes they cannot rely upon the Lord because they do not truly know the Lord. The “put off” and “put on” statements in verses 9-10 refer to that change that takes place at salvation.
- Remember God gave you a new nature
- If you truly know the Lord, you have a new nature. The Lord has broken your bondage to sin.
(Romans 6:6) Knowing this, that our old man is crucified with him, that the body of sin might be destroyed, that henceforth we should not serve sin. - The Holy Spirit also lives in you.
- You must make a conscious choice to allow the new man to control you. In other words yield your members (eyes, ears, mouth, hands, feet, and mind) to God.
(Romans 6:13) Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God.
- If you truly know the Lord, you have a new nature. The Lord has broken your bondage to sin.
- Remember God renewed you.
- The Holy Spirit has renewed you in knowledge according to your Creator’s image. He has enlightened you and enabled you to live in God’s image. Allow Him to give you new strength for the difficult task. Rely upon Him. In Ephesians we are commanded to do this.
(Ephesians 4:23) And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; - Cooperate with Him by allowing Him to make changes in your life. Quit fighting God when He tries to change things in your life.
- Spend quality time with the Lord in the Bible. Jesus prayed this for us:
(John 17:17) Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.
It is not easy to respond to conflicts as God wants us to, but it is possible if you truly know the Lord and are willing to rely on Him.
- The Holy Spirit has renewed you in knowledge according to your Creator’s image. He has enlightened you and enabled you to live in God’s image. Allow Him to give you new strength for the difficult task. Rely upon Him. In Ephesians we are commanded to do this.
Respond with Godliness (v.12-14)
- Responding with godliness is possible
- God tells us this is possible if we are elect of God, holy, and beloved. Again, these are all terms that describe true Christians.
- Conflicts will still arise, but when they do, a true Christian can respond with godliness if he first removes sinful reactions and relies upon the Lord.
- Put on the new man
We were just reminded that the new man is put on at salvation giving us new desires, new principles, and new attitudes (v.9-10), but daily we must put on the new man by putting on godliness as the Lord demands.- (v.12) Put on mercy: Be willing to give, not just take. Treat others as you want to be treated. James reminds us putting on mercy is the wise thing to do.
(James 3:17) But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy. - Put on kindness: (goodness of heart) One of the kindest things you can do in conflicts is to listen to the other side. Try to understand the opposing point of view. Be empathetic.
- (v.12) Put on mercy: Be willing to give, not just take. Treat others as you want to be treated. James reminds us putting on mercy is the wise thing to do.
Conclusion
This evening we have only covered part of this message on Family Conflicts. Lord willing, next week we will pick up where we left off.
If your marriage or home is experiencing conflict, do not wait until you hear the rest of the sermon to take action. Begin with what we have already learned. 1) Remove Sinful Reactions, 2) Rely on the Lord, and 3) Respond with Godliness.
If your home is not presently experiencing conflicts, follow these steps to prevent family conflicts. Do not give the devil a foothold.
Song: 386 Have Thine Own Way
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Family Conflicts1
29 March 2015 pm – Colossians 3:8-21 – Scott Childs