Family Conflicts (3) – Colossians 3:8-21

Colossians 3 is a great place to learn how to deal with family conflicts God’s way. So far in this series we have studied three of the five steps outlined for dealing with family conflicts.

1. Remove Sinful Reactions (v.8-9)

Identify and admit sinful reactions
Commit to quit sinful reactions with God’s help

2. Rely upon the Lord (v.10-11)

Remember God gave you a new nature
Remember God renewed you.

3. Respond with Godliness (v.12-14)

Responding with godliness is possible
Put on the new man Put on mercy, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering, forbearance, and love.

Transition: This evening we are going to study the fourth step in dealing with family conflicts.

Let the Lord Guide (v.15-16)

Let God’s peace rule (v.15)
1. Peace is a state not an attitude. It is the opposite of disturbance. It is the absence of hostile feelings. TDNT It is harmony or concord Thayer
2. The word “rule” literally means to umpire – one who presides over a game and distributes the prize to the winner. Precept Austin We must let God’s peace will rule in our hearts during conflicts. This may be understood in several ways.
  1. God can help us live in peace with others.
    (Romans 12:18) If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
  2. God can give us His peace even during conflicts if we give our burdens to Him.
    (Philippians 4:6-7) Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
  3. God will give us peace in our hearts when we do His will. When we fail to respond with godliness (v.12-14), God will take His peace from our hearts. But when we respond with godliness His peace will give calm assurance that we are doing right.
    1. In this way God’s peace can guide our hearts during times of conflict if we will allow it.
    2. This does not mean we are to live by our feelings. Feelings change and deceive. God’s peace is always in harmony with Bible facts.
  4. God has called the whole body of believers to allow His peace to rule in their hearts. This is for everyone.
3. In addition, God commands us to be thankful.
  1. We ought to be thankful that God cares enough to have His peace umpire during our family conflicts.
  2. We should be thankful for the times God’s peace has already umpired.
  3. We must be thankful that God knows best and that He will settle any injustices in His time and in the right manner.
    (1 Thessalonians 5:18) In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
    God guides through His peace, but also through His Word.
Let the Bible be your authority (v.16)
1. We must let word of Christ dwell in us richly.
  1. This is a command not an option. I do not think we can limit the “word of Christ” to the Gospels or the NT because the whole Bible is His Word.
  2. To dwell means to live in a home; to take up residence. Home is where we belong and spend a lot of time. We never feel as comfortable in someone else’s home as we do in our own. God’s Word ought to feel comfortably at home in our hearts.
    Charles Spurgeon, the well-known Baptist preacher of the 1800s illustrated this verse as follows. “You know how children sometimes learn their lessons. I am afraid that, at a great many schools, there is no true instruction; but the scholars have simply to repeat their lessons, without ever getting at the sense and meaning of them; and, a week or two after, they have forgotten all that they were supposed to have learnt. Do not let it be so with our knowledge of Scripture; let us not merely know it so as to be able to turn to its different chapters, or to be familiar with certain passages in it, or even to repeat all its words. This is but to let ‘the word of Christ’ pass by your door, or look in at your window; but Paul says, ‘Let it dwell in you.’”
    The Bible must be at home in our hearts.
  3. The Bible must dwell in us richly. The word richly means abundantly. The word is used to describe one who is extravagantly rich.
  4. The Bible must dwell in us richly in all wisdom. Wisdom here speaks of a broad and diverse understanding. God is commanding us to have an extravagantly rich, broad understanding of the whole Bible so that it will dwell comfortably in our hearts.
  5. This does not describe a casual read once in a while.
    1. God wants every Christian to study the Bible with a passion to learn. Mark your Bible as you read. Daily discover a principle and write it down. Memorise key verses.
    2. Think about what you read. Pray over it. Ask God to help you live the principle you found.
    3. We must give the Bible priority over all other reading and entertainment. Shame on any Christian who will neglect his Bible to read a book, do a hobby, or watch a movie!
      We must know the Bible well because it must be our authority when dealing with family conflicts.
2. We are to teach and admonish each other in Bible truth through our music. Our music reflects our hearts. If you listen to ungodly music you have an ungodly heart.
  1. There is no place in a godly Christian’s life for ungodly music. Ungodly music promotes infidelity, selfishness, rebellion, and blasphemes God.
    (Psalms 40:3) And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.
  2. Our music should teach (instruct) and admonish (warn) each other. To do this, the words in our songs must be doctrinally biblical. The words in many modern CCM songs are shallow, unclear, and even unbiblical. The music in many CCM songs is based on satanic rhythm. Choose music prayerfully.
3. We find a parallel to this verse (v.16) in Ephesians 5:18-19. “And be not drunk with wine, wherein is excess; but be filled with the Spirit; Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;” This verse tells us that our godly music is an evidence of being Spirit-filled. In Colossians 3:16 godly music is an overflow of an extravagantly rich understanding of the whole Bible that is dwelling comfortably in our hearts. Do you see what this parallel implies? Being filled with the Spirit and having the Bible dwell abundantly in the heart both lead to godly edifying music. I do not believe a Christian can be filled with the Spirit without being filled with the Word.
  How does all this help us with family conflicts? We must let the Lord guide our attitudes, words and actions during conflicts. To do this we must let His peace umpire in our hearts and let His Word dwell richly in our souls.

Conclusion

We cannot hope to avoid and resolve family conflicts biblically if we respond without God’s peace or neglect His Word. We must obey the conviction of the Spirit and know the instruction of God’s Word. Both of these require that we have a flourishing relationship with God. If God would not say these are present in your life, then you need to surrender and make the needed changes.

Song: I Surrender All – 394
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Family Conflicts3
12 April 2015 pm – Colossians 3:8-21 – Scott Childs