Rekindle Love’s Flame
1 September 2013 PM – Genesis 24:67 – Home Builders – Scott Childs
Introduction: (Read text) God planned Isaac and Rebekah’s marriage. Abraham, Isaac’s Dad, instructed his servant to make all the arrangements and God guided him. Isaac and Rebekah never dated. They never met until their wedding day, yet the Bible tells us that Isaac loved Rebekah. Love is a choice. They chose to love and learned to love. We too need to learn to love!
Pastor Jerry Schmoyer explained this well when he said, “Learning to love is like learning a foreign language — it takes time and practice. Unfortunately, we don’t always work at love. Instead of making an effort to show love to our mate, we act worse to them than to anyone else. We are short, rude, critical and often withhold love. We treat strangers nicer, in fact we often treat everyone else nicer than our mate.”
Solomon spoke of the passionate flames of marital love.
Song of Solomon 8:6-7 Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.
Marital love ought to be like a roaring fire, so strong that many waters cannot quench it nor floods drown it out, and so valuable that no amount of money can buy it. However, to keep marital love like a roaring fire we must rekindle it regularly.
Transition: This evening we are going to look at three steps to rekindle love’s flame in your marriage.
I. Remove the Ashes
During my youth, we always heated our home with a wood fire. I learned early in life how to build a fire. One of the first things needed is to remove the ashes. An abundance of ashes hinders a fire.
To rekindle love’s flame in your marriage, you must first remove the ashes. You will never rekindle love’s flame if you do not remove things that are hindering.
A. Remove the ashes of unkind actions and words
1. If your actions have been rude, harsh, thoughtless, mean, or critical, they are like water-soaked ashes that will not burn. Often it is difficult to see our own faults. It is humbling, but ask your spouse if your actions have been unkind.
2. If you have been unkind, confess it to God and ask Him to help you change. Confess it to your spouse and ask for forgiveness.
Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.
B. Remove the ashes of selfishness
1. If you are selfish, you will struggle to put God first in your life and your spouse second. True love is the action of giving yourself to meet the needs of your spouse, expecting nothing in return.
1 Corinthians 13:5 [Love] Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
2. Selfishness will quench love’s flame like a bucket of water poured on a fire. You must deal with selfishness the same as you do with unkindness.
C. Remove the ashes of unresolved conflicts
Proverbs 22:3 A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished.
1. If you have not resolved a conflict biblically by forgiving comprehensively, repeatedly, promptly, and permanently, now is the time to remove those ashes.
2. You simply cannot build a fire of love on coals of conflict. On the other hand, true forgiveness works like a firelighter. Often when a couple truly forgives each other their love flame will burst into a blaze.
D. Remove the ashes of apathy
1. Apathy is the absence of emotion or enthusiasm.
2. When we were newlyweds, we were passionate about our relationship, but if we are not careful, passion will fade. We begin to treat our spouse like an old pair of shoes – with little care or concern.
3. Treat your spouse as someone special.
Proverbs 5:18 Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
II. Find the Right Fuel
Many types of fuel will burn, but some burn better than others. Some wood burns in a flash. Other wood burns for a long time. Different woods produce different amounts of heat. Find the one that works best for your situation.
Like wood for a fire, the fuel that burns best for your spouse is probably not the type that burns best for you. Your love must meet needs for your spouse, so you must find the fuel that works the best to rekindle love’s flame for your spouse.
1 Corinthians 7:3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
“Benevolence” is kindness, “to meet halfway,” or “goodwill.” (Thayer, TDNT) You must work with your spouse to meet their needs and keep your love warm. The word “due” means it is your God-given duty. In this context, the main application is to marital intimacy. While it is your duty before God to meet your spouse’s intimate needs, that is not the only type of kindness they need. That you must discover!
1 Peter 3:7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, . . .
God commands a husband to dwell with his wife according to knowledge or to learn all he can about his wife. Learn what makes her feel loved. Learn what excites her. The wife should also do this for her husband. The things that kindle your flame are not the same as things that kindle your spouse’s flame. You must discover them. Here are a few ideas.
A. Study your spouse’s needs
1. What makes them happy?
2. What makes them feel special?
3. What do they fear?
4. When do they need comfort or encouragement?
5. In what ways do they need your help?
B. Share your needs with your spouse
1. Communicate with your spouse. Tell them what you enjoy and what you dislike. Open your heart to them.
2. Thank them when they do something that you really appreciated.
3. Share romantic ideas with them. Ladies, this is especially important for you as most of us men are not very romantic.
III. Add Fuel Continually
If your spouse is not adding fuel to your fire, you may not feel like adding fuel to their fire either. However, you must fulfil your duty even if your spouse fails utterly.
A. Add some new fuel each day
1. Hugs and kisses are daily needs
2. Daily say, “I love you.”
3. Complement your spouse.
4. Pray with your spouse.
5. Do small kindnesses for your spouse.
6. Before doing something for your own pleasure, think of something that you can do for your spouse.
7. Your spouse may enjoy notes, text messages, phone calls, little gifts . . . You must discover what they need.
B. Add extra fuel when you see a special need
1. Memorise your spouse’s needs. Watch for special needs that may come up.
2. When your spouse has a special need, do all you can to meet that need.
C. Add special fuel periodically
1. Together, plan special outings.
2. Go on “dates” together.
There are many other kinds of fuel that will rekindle love in your marriage. Make it your quest to find new fuels that please your spouse. Never forget that rekindling love’s flame is more about lighting a fire in your spouse than it is about lighting your own. Love is giving. As you light their fire, you will be warmed by the flame.
Conclusion: It is enjoyable to build a campfire and keep it burning hot, but God wants us to find greater joy in keeping the fire of our marital love blazing.
If the fire of your marital love has lost its flame, it is time to rekindle the fire.
Song: Teach Me Thy Way, O Lord – 337