Supervise Relationships
6 October 2013 PM – Genesis 24:1-67 – Home Builders – Scott Childs
Introduction: Abraham sent his servant to find a God-fearing wife for Isaac. God directed the servant to the right woman. She willingly agreed. Isaac met Rebekah for the first time on the day of their marriage. They never dated. This was normal in Bible days.
Today, few parents are actively involved in finding spouses for their children. Dating is now the norm. The world’s way is marked by heartache and broken lives. God’s way is perfect.
Transition: As Christian parents, we must teach and supervise our children in three aspects their relationships so they can avoid heartache and enjoy God’s blessing.
I. Teach and Supervise Purity
A. Purity is the foundation of godly relationships
1. Biblically define purity of actions and mind.
a) Make God’s boundaries crystal clear.
b) Let your children know that life is full of temptations to compromise our purity.
Purity is not just a physical quality; it is a mental discipline.
2. Cultivate purity in your child’s heart.
a) Purity must be a personal conviction.
b) Your children must want to keep themselves pure because they want to please the Lord.
3. Understand and teach the powerful link between modesty (dress and actions) and purity.
a) Men, make sure your wife understands what is immodest from a man’s perspective. Many men are blind to the immodesty of their wives and daughters because they see them as family. Yet if they saw a woman in the shops dressed the same way, they would struggle with their thoughts. Be honest! Help the ladies in your home identify what is immodest.
b) Tight clothing of any kind, short skirts, shorts, bare bellies, bare shoulders, low necklines, swimsuits and dance type movements all cause men to think bad thoughts.
c) Allowing a young daughter to wear immodest clothing is setting a standard that will cause you grief when she becomes a teenager.
“We think it’s adorable to see a 9-year-old girl in a strapless dress and makeup, then we wonder why we have a pregnant 13-year-old.” – Marcia Summers, Ball State University professor, quoted in the Milwaukee Journal, July 31, 1994, “Are Children Growing Up Too Fast?”
d) One of the best ways to keep your daughter pure is to teach her to dress modestly.
4. Protect your children’s purity by monitoring media, entertainment, games, activities, and the Internet. Satan will use everything from immodest women in video games to flirts on TV.
5. Educate your children on the hormonal changes they will face in their pre-teen and teen years and how these changes relate to their purity.
a) Boys who once hated girls now find them attractive. They begin to want their companionship. They try to impress the girls.
b) Girls who once avoided boys now enjoy their presence. They long for attention and acceptance. They want the boys to like them.
c) While these changes are normal, we must help our children know how to react to them in godly pure ways.
B. Urge your children to do their part
1. Urge them to keep pure in mind and body until marriage.
2. Urge them to have a close relationship with you.
II. Teach and Supervise Patience
A. Society encourages young people to date
1. Dating is a modern recreation that often includes romantic talk, holding hands, kissing, and immorality, all before the commitment of marriage.
Someone has wisely said, “Friends will determine your destiny.”
2. The “boyfriend – girlfriend” game begins in primary school.
3. Dating is the regular activity of many teens.
4. These young people are immature and have no thoughts of marriage. They just want to have a good time and fulfil their passions.
B. God wants our children to be patient
1. From a very early age quash the worldly “boyfriend – girlfriend” game. Urge them to wait until they are a young adult to look for a spouse. God knows their need. If God wants them to marry, He will choose a spouse and will reveal the spouse at the right time.
2. Teach your children while they are young how to evaluate the character of others. Help them to see that character is FAR more important than beauty.
3. Cultivate in your child’s heart the fact that all recreational dating is dangerous. When a couple spends romantic time together without intentions of marriage, that is recreational dating.
a) The date’s character is often ignored.
b) Dating’s love ’em and leave ’em pattern promotes divorce.
c) A date is usually unsupervised.
d) It tempts with lust and often leads to immorality.
e) It causes deep emotional scares and regrets.
4. Cultivate the character quality of patience deep within the heart of your child.
5. Begin praying regularly with your children when young teens that God will prepare the right future spouse for them and keep the person pure.
III. Teach and Supervise Courtship
A. Courtship is not new; dating is new.
According to research done by Dr. Wayne Van Gelderen, in the 1700’s parents controlled courtship when their child was fully prepared and had serious marriage intensions. Courtship was in the home, no physical contact was allowed, and examination of character was key. In the 1800’s romance began to take control. Some physical contact was permitted and courting was not always in the home. In the 1900’s dating began. Parents had less control. Intentions were for pleasure and fun rather than strictly for marriage. Dates were usually not in the home and physical contact increased. After the 1950’s, dating was usually unsupervised. It was for pleasure and fun. Pre-teens were beginning to date. Emotional and physical involvement was okay. – Holiness Conference 1995, “No Experience Necessary”
1. Today, unsupervised dating is the norm.
2. Courtship, on the other hand, is as old as the Bible.
Courtship is a parental approved and supervised relationship of two mature, Christian, young adults attracted by mutual godly character, whose hopes are of marriage. It includes parental supervised opportunities to get to know one another and determine God’s will without any physical contact or romantic talk. If the parents and young adults are convinced that it is God’s will, they plan marriage, but all intimacy is reserved for marriage.
B. Biblical guidelines and recommendations
1. Never consider an unbeliever or carnal Christian as a potential spouse.
2 Corinthians 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? (compare Amos 3:3)
2. Become very close to your children. Meet all their emotional needs so they do not long to court prematurely. Never embarrass them or make jokes about their emotions. Earn influence in their lives so they will want you to supervise their courtship.
3. Pray much with and for your young adult child about God’s choice of a spouse. God knows the right spouse for your child just as He did for Isaac.
4. You may trust your child, but never trust their sinful flesh. It is never wise for two young people who are in love to be alone in a car or any other place. Supervise them closely for their good. One day they will thank you.
Conclusion: God directed Abraham in finding a wife for Isaac. If God can do that for Isaac, he can do it for your children if you will teach and supervise purity, patience, and courtship. It is not popular nor is it easy, but it is the best way because it is God’s way. Young people, stay close to your parents and depend on their help to find the spouse God has chosen for you when the time is right.
Song: His Way with Thee – 367