A mighty tree stood high upon a mountain. It survived strong wind, severe storms, hail, heavy snows, and bitter cold of many years. Then one day it fell to the ground. The mighty forces of nature did not drop it. It was killed by an attack of little beetles.

If you are married, your marriage is like that mighty tree. It will withstand the outward storms of life, but if you get careless, unseen enemies, like little beetles will ruin your marriage from the inside out.

Transition

In Genesis 20, we find three marital enemies that have attacked countless marriages. Left unchecked, these enemies will destroy marital happiness.

Marital Enemy #1 – Selfishness

Abraham was more concerned about himself than he was about Sarah (v.2). He selfishly lied to protect himself while endangering Sarah. His love for her was desperately lacking. Having made this same mistake more than 20 years earlier while in Egypt, he should have learned. “If we do not learn from history, we are bound to repeat it.” Abraham allowed the enemy, selfishness, to attack his love for Sarah in two ways.

1. It attacked his responsibility to sacrifice for her.
   1. Love demands sacrifice. “Love is the sacrificial giving of one’s self to meet the needs of another, expecting nothing in return.” Love is not getting, but giving. We see this in the first six words in John 3:16, “For God so loved He gave.” To truly love your spouse, you must sacrificially give of your time, affection, listening ear, gentle touches, and much more.
   2. Sacrificial love is not an option for husbands. God says,

      Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;”

      How did Christ love? He loved enough to leave heaven, become a man, care for sinners, die for them, make them his children, and give them eternal life.

   3. God also expects wives to sacrifice unselfishly.

      Ephesians 5:22 “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.”

      Submitting to your husband’s leadership is an act of unselfish sacrifice.

2. It attacked his responsibility to meet her needs.

   Abraham had a duty to meet the needs of his wife. Cleaving to her in marriage places the responsibility of her care on his shoulders.

   Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

   Turn with me to Ephesians 5:26-29. God holds husbands responsible to meet the needs of his wife as Christ meets the needs of the church (e.g. sanctify, cleanse, without spot, holy). Wives have many needs, but Abraham neglected two of his Sarah’s greatest needs.

   1. He neglected her need for affection. Imagine how Sarah felt when Abraham allowed her to be taken into another man’s harem. Affection is something that we show by our actions and emotions. Abraham left her feeling alone and unloved. Husbands, if we are not careful, we too will neglect showing affection to our wives.

      Colossians 3:19 “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.”

   2. He neglected her need for security. As every wife, Sarah needed security and protection. Abraham let her down when she needed him most. Men, are you providing a secure protected environment for your wives? (1Pe 3:7)

      Selfishness by either spouse will chew holes in your marriage like hungry termites.

Marital Enemy #2 – Dishonesty

Abraham’s selfishness was so strong that he again lied to get his way, claiming that Sarah was his sister (v.12-13). The fact that Abraham did not learn from his dishonesty in Egypt shows us his humanness. Don’t we do the same? We get burned by our sin, but turn and do it again. Solomon wisely said, (Proverbs 26:11) “As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.” Dishonesty in marriage today attacks both truth and trust.

1. Dishonesty attacks truth.

   Lying and deception are common in many marriages. Let’s look at some things about which couples are dishonest.

   1. Couples are dishonest about their feelings. Hiding one’s feelings through dishonesty is very harmful to a marriage. If you’re hurt, talk about it. If you’re happy, share it.

      Often men aren’t good listeners. They feel like Astronaut Michael Collins, who speaking at a banquet, quoted the estimate that the average man speaks 25,000 words a day and the average woman 30,000. Then he added: “Unfortunately, when I come home each day I’ve spoken my 25,000 — and my wife hasn’t started her 30,000.”

   2. Couples are dishonest about their failures. Admitting when we do wrong is difficult, but a humble confession will strengthen your marriage.
   3. Couples are dishonest about their finances. Instead of telling the truth about where the money was spent, a lie is told. Instead of discussing financial decisions, excuses are offered that are often untrue. Remember that teamwork is vital. Marriage is two becoming one, in everything. What affects one spouse affects the other.
2. Dishonesty attacks trust

   How could Sarah trust her husband if he lies to protect himself and allows her to be taken to another man’s house. This may have caused Abraham to worry about her trustworthiness as well. Lack of trust produces:

   1. Jealousy: She’s too friendly with men.
   2. Suspicion: Why is he late? Where have you been?

Marital Enemy #3 – Infidelity

Abraham allowed Sarah to be taken by Abimelech’s house to become his wife. He was not only permitting but also promoting infidelity (unfaithfulness) by his refusal to tell the truth.

Walter Fremont in a lecture on marriage tells of two men who agreed to swap wives. One wife refused and the man came to Dr. Fremont for counsel because his wife was not submissive. It’s hard to imagine such wickedness, but it really happened.

Abraham put Sarah in a similar situation. However, God intervened and prevented sin from occurring, but the marital enemy of infidelity was attacking. Infidelity begins long before an affair. Here are three subtle ways it attacks.

1. Infidelity begins with unclean lusts.
   1. Indulging in lust is mental infidelity – in the mind.

      Matthew 5:28 “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.”

      Matthew 15:19 “For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies:”

   2. Lustful dreaming about another person is sinful.
2. Infidelity grows through unmet needs.
   1. A wife’s most common needs are: leadership, affection, communication, esteem, and security.
   2. A husband’s most common needs are: respect and appreciation.

      When the spouse does not meet needs, someone else will meet the need, causing emotional infidelity or worse.

3. Infidelity attacks during unwise circumstances.
   1. To go to tempting places, have unprotected Internet, be around a flirt, or have intimate conversations with the opposite gender is very foolish. The Scriptures warn,

      Romans 13:14 “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.”

   2. Joseph fled and escaped – David lingered and fell.

Conclusion

The devil is actively seeking to ruin your marriage. Is selfishness, dishonesty, or infidelity attacking your marriage from the inside like termites? If so, do not ignore it. These enemies are very dangerous. You must destroy them! Divorce is NEVER God’s answer!

The best and most important help is available only when we know the Lord. Do you know him?

Song: 393 Take my life
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Marriage’s Worst Enemies
24 August 2014 AM – Genesis 20:1-18 – Gen 14 – Scott Childs