Are you a selfish person? Do the following statements describe you?

• I dislike helping my spouse do his or her jobs.
• I ought to get more respect from my spouse.
• I tend to be a sloppy person and let other pick up after me.
• I often try to get the biggest or best.
• I dislike asking my spouse’s advice because I usually disagree.
• I believe my needs and happiness are very important.
• I have a hard time seeing things from another’s perspective.
• I get upset when things do not go my way.
• I get angry when others accidentally damage my property.
• I often keep people waiting for me.
• I believe I deserve more pay than I get.
• I often do what I want and ignore my spouse or family.
• I often blame others when something goes wrong.
• I usually get what I want or get irritated if I don’t.
• I lack a genuine interest in others.
• I am very controlling.
• I react strongly to criticism.
• I have a hard time handling my money wisely.
• I seldom express appreciation to my spouse and others.

If several of these statements are true about your life, or if your spouse, parent, or friend say they are true, you probably struggle with selfishness.

Selfishness is one of the root problems in marriages and families today. The selfish cycle is destroying our homes. Selfish parents rear spoiled selfish children. Selfish children grow into selfish adults. When two selfish adults marry, they create a miserable selfish home where they rear more spoiled selfish children. Someone has to break the cycle. Let that someone be YOU! If you are selfish, admit it! Then ask God to help you break the selfish cycle.

Transition

This evening we are going to examine several scriptures that show us how to break the selfish cycle. Follow along as I read Romans 15:1-3 and Philippians 2:1-3.

Stop Seeking to Please Yourself (Rom 15:1)

1. Become a strong Christian.
   1. You cannot break the selfish cycle on your own. You need God’s help. Your old fleshly nature is selfish.
   2. Put off the old man and put on the new. Get serious about walking close to God.
      ☆ (Ephesians 4:22-24) “That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts; And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.”
2. Stop pleasing yourself.
   1. Pleasing self is a dead-end street. It never leads to happiness.
   2. Turn back to Philippians 2:3. Let nothing be done through strife and vainglory. God links selfishness with pride.
      1. Strife refers to self-promotion. It is acting like one campaigning for an office. God tells us to stop doing things that promote our self outwardly (e.g., demanding respect instead of earning it, wanting more pay, spending foolishly on yourself, bragging, talking about yourself, putting others down).
      2. Vain glory refers to glorying in yourself inwardly (e.g., excessive ego; high opinion of yourself; seeking praise, approval, acceptance, or honour).
      3. Lowliness of mind refers to having a humble opinion of yourself. Look at yourself from God’s perspective. If you think, “God got a great deal when he got me!”, you do not understand God’s holiness. At best, each of us is a sinner deserving hell who has been saved by the grace of God. The apostle Paul, who was a very godly Christian, said this of his human qualities:
         ☆ (Philippians 3:8) “Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,”
         Ask God to give you humble opinion of yourself. Stop living like life revolves around you.

Start Seeking to Please Others (Rom 15:2)

1. Put others before yourself.
   1. Ask God to help you remember to put the needs and wants of others before yourself. Set aside your wants to be a blessing to others. Swallow your pride and be extra friendly to a visitor in church. Invite them to sit with you. If your spouse needs help, help instead of doing your hobby. Treat others as you want to be treated.
      ☆ (Matthew 7:12) “Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.”
   2. Once again, in Philippians 2:3, God tells us to esteem others better than ourselves.
      1. Esteem means to think or consider.
      2. Better than means more important or superior.
   3. A good place to begin is to take the above selfish test and ask God to help you become unselfish in each of those situations. It will take work and determination!
2. Make it your goal to do good to edify others.
   1. Do things that are good for others. Look at life from their perspective. Do not talk in your native language when others are nearby who cannot understand. That is selfish. Think of ways you can be a willing helper, especially to your parents or your spouse. Do things to be a blessing to others.
   2. Seek to build up others. Encourage someone. Help them with a task. Honour them by letting them go first or have the best pick. Cheerfully sacrifice your time to be a blessing to your spouse or family.
   3. Here are some practical suggestions: 1) Share the home chores. 2) Adjust your schedule to be a help to your spouse. 3) Husbands help with the “women’s work” [cooking, ironing, washing up, sweeping, cleaning, laundry] to ease your wife’s load. 4) Men if you homeschool, when possible, do school opening, sports class, maths drills, listen to reading, etc. 5) be willing to give up something you want to do to have better teamwork in your home. 6) Do not selfishly stay up late and make life difficult for the family the next day. 7) Do not always buy the most expensive when a cheaper choice is suitable. 8) Remember, you will reap in your children what you sow in your home.
      ☆ If your parents did not train you to do things you did not like to do (e.g., eat your vegetables), you will have a difficult time learning to be unselfish, but with God’s help, you can do it.

Sincerely Seek to be Like Christ (Rom 15:3)

1. Christ pleased not himself.
   1. As he faced the cross, Jesus knew the agony that lay ahead.
   2. That night, He prayed about the cross.
      ☆ (Matthew 26:39) “And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.”
2. He went to the cross for you and for me.
   1. Our sinful reproaches (reviling, abuse, disgrace, insults) toward God, all fell on Christ.
   2. He took the blame for all our wickedness toward God. He could have pleased himself and said, “I am the King of kings, I am their Creator, I am not going to pay for all the evil things they did.” Instead, he humbly and unselfishly did the difficult because he loved us.
      ☆ Others Lord, yes others, let this my motto be. Help me live for others that I might live like thee. unknown

Conclusion

God is looking for men, women, and young people who will humble themselves and break the selfish cycle. If you are part of a selfish cycle, DO NOT blame others. Humbly ask God to forgive you and to help you break the selfish cycle. Breaking a habit is never easy. It may take three weeks or three months, but if you make the needed changes and daily beg God to help you live for others instead of for yourself, you will break the selfish cycle.

Song: God can do anything but fail
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Breaking the Selfish Cycle
1 February 2015 pm – Romans 15:1-3 – Scott Childs